you wait in patience / stillness. the poem alights / a bird on your hand
Haiku | “the poem alights a bird”
July 1, 2020 by Peter Galen Massey
Posted in Haiku | Tagged haiku, modern haiku, Poems | 6 Comments
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I wish
Mine don’t come any other way, so I don’t have much choice in the matter
RST would like this. So do I! Love Pop
Sent from my iPhone
>
Thanks. I’m not quite happy with the “poems” (plural) but the “bird” (singular). Seems like they should match. I fiddled the second line to keep the “like” and not run out of syllables … but I’m wondering if “you wait in patience / stillness. the poem alights / a bird on your hand” wouldn’t be better, the like implied and the line break doing most of the job for me. And the word “like” has a harsh metallic sound, nice to get rid of that beastie. Yes, I think I like the revision better.
This is beautiful. The incredible directness of the poem and the bird as one entity/experience.
Thanks! P.