One of the delights of the extend Massey family is our cousin Jay, who shares a pleasure in puns with me.
However, Cousin Jay prefers puns with a touch of erudition and a very shaggy pelt. I recall one story from my childhood that he spun on for minutes and minutes, far beyond any compensating reward for our attention, which ended with “It’s a hickory daiquiri, doc.”
These aren’t original to either Cousin Jay or myself, but he selected them for their fine quality. He is your sommelier. I am merely your waiter.
King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, “I’ll give you 100,000 dinars for it.”
“But I paid a million dinars for it,” the King protested. “Don’t you know who I am? I am the King!”
Croesus replied, “When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are.”
Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss League records were destroyed in a fire . . . and so we’ll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official, who apologized profusely saying, “I must have taken Leif off my census.”
Finally … with apologies for the derogatory language, but this one doesn’t work with a substitute
There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys.
This just goes to prove that… the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.