Warren Jeffs, the head of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, was convicted of sexual assault in August 2011. During the trial, he made a motion for Judge Barbara Walther to recuse herself because God said she should.
To support this motion, God showed up in the courtroom to testify. Here is the transcript:
TIPSTAFF: State your name.
TIPSTAFF: Legal residence?
JEFFS hisses: That’s Buddhism!
GOD: I beg your pardon. Heaven.
TIPSTAFF: Ah, put your hand on Yourself, I guess. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help You … You?
GOD: I do.
JUROR screams out: Why did you give my Aunt Bertha cancer?
GOD: I never.
JEFFS: Woohoo! Mistrial!
JUDGE WALTHER: Sorry, Mr. Jeffs, no dice. Shall we continue. Mr. God, did you really tell Mr. Jeffs that I should recuse myself?
GOD: No. Why that bozo thinks I’m his lap dog is beyond me.